How Do I Make Myself More Accountable?

I enjoy keeping my word to friends and family, I have no trouble keeping a secret and I value the relationship between thought and action.  Although, when it comes to my own health and perspective I give myself slack!  I will make and change the rules as I see fit.  Today it's OK to drink soda or 6 cups of coffee, tomorrow depending on my mood it isn't.  What is it about being able to change the rules when I see fit or choose to?  Is it a character flaw, or a lack of discipline?

My first instinct is to question my desire to control.  There are so many elements of my life that I don't feel that I have control of.  As I mature it troubles me.   In the past I would simply find some comforting quote or phrase to give validity to the lack of interest I had in controlling, manipulating or choosing the path.  I enjoyed flying with chance in the moment and trusting in the universe's reliability on my flexibility to see me through safely and happily.  Interestingly enough, that in itself seems false.  Like many I moved through experiences with bodily injury, emotional pain and mental torment.  Particularly that of the artist giving without thought to any choreographer, project or improvisation that needed or hoped to manipulate, dissect and engage my body and spirit.   Ruthlessly pushing, giving, receiving, striving, trying, feeling, believing, but not understanding with any sense of maturity the outcome that my decisions and choices would have on my life, my future.  It was always about the moment.

So back to the choices, that desire to live in the moment.  To indulge in the sensation that one feels automatically with impulse, with desire.  Presently I attempt to see all sides of the situation and make the most informed decision.  Paralyzing myself in the fear of making the wrong choice, the inappropriate decision.  I hope to no longer cause pain, grief or harm to my parents and family by simply following my gut, my intuition.  I never intended to for that to happen in the first place and now with new choices, how to avoid it. 

The new resolution I am present in is how do I cherish the ideals of my pre-parent self with the wisdom of the present with that joy of living in the moment?  How do I reclaim the courage to simply do because it feels right without worrying and grieving over the thought of a consequence?