To the Man I Love-I Appreciate All That You Do

Working through some thoughts earlier about my own father I began to think about my relationship with my partner.  Do I appreciate and show appreciation for his role as a father? Do I have an honest understanding of his place in life and his contribution to our family?  As I did with my own father years ago, do I underestimate the magnitude of his impact and the force of his love and effort?

I calculate in my relationship when it comes to parenting.  I gave bath, he can do story, I cooked dinner, he can clean up, etc.  It is a resolution that I am trying to achieve, to stop counting and comparing.  I treat our commitments like a debit card.  I keep unloading the credits without giving much attention to the deposits until I realize that I'm on empty.  I pull, push and maneuver the tasks so that they meet the expectations that I think are important to both of us, without really asking if they are.

I hope to create a new understanding of the complexities that my partner faces in fatherhood.  I want to ask the right questions so that I feel more educated about his feelings.  The difficult part is that I don't know if he needs the same.  He is confident, assured and resilient in his fatherhood.  He has strong ideas and strong actions that he chooses to share with our son on his own.  It doesn't seem like he struggles as I do.  He has balance, and acceptance and confidence in his choices.

By pushing less will it show him that I respect him more?  Where is the balance and what are the right questions to ask?  I want to show my appreciation everyday for the wonderful man and father that he is.  What actions provide that type of gratitude?

Happy Father's Day!

It is on Father's Day that I marvel at my Dad's ability to put up with all of my shit!  Wow, the things that I put this man through and the lack of gratitude that I showed him in my teenage years.  I never understood as a young child or a young adult how hard, disciplined and determined he needed to be in order to provide such a wonderful life for us.  My father has literally shown me the world through travel, education and love.

Now that I'm a parent and I understand the pressure, tension and desire to be a good parent I understand my father.  I can't go back and change decisions, actions or ideas that I used to share with the world, but I can move forward and create new understanding and gratitude.  On a day like today I wish that I could hug my father in person, rather than virtually.