To the World

Sometimes my love runs as deep and blue as the ocean and
then as shallow and jagged as the bank of a stream.
Understanding and gratitude can fill my heart or make me shutter with remorse
There is peace on days that I fall back onto myself, into myself, that I embrace.

The unseen

When I truly listen to myself I know that the answers to my happiness are within and having the strength and creativity to believe in the unseen is the path. 

As I listen to the voices within I find that the negative voices have a purpose as well--to drive me into the truth of myself.  To push me toward the discomfort of the present into the harshness and fear of the pain and as I come through to the other side I'm greeted by the love that is present in my life. 

And at this very moment the light of my life Braedyn walks to me wraps his arms around my working body and offers his plea. 

"I want you to cuddle with me." 

Eyes gazing upward and mouth open to my answer. 

YES.

I'm different--

Oh, my favorite part of being, of moving, of existing!  The sensation of "feeling"  different.  A sense of taking a bite of a forbidden fruit and ingesting the magic of the taste, the essence of a something sensation.

That's how I feel after vacation, as though I have "drank from the punch"(if you don't know what that means, I can't help you) changed and changed shape into the directness of this time.  Returning from vacation I feel bright. whole and connected to a deep sense of me.  One that rests on the top of my heart, right near the ventricle.  The space where the breath enters my lung.  I've danced that ballet, the use of the heart as it encompasses the life and generates it outward.  I was held in a glass cubicle with smoke pumped into the cube, and I with and without a gas mask, danced in time with the elements.  I hope that I sparked a piece of brilliance in a mind.  The choreographer was a successful engineer who was working on a heart for transplant patients.  I wonder if my sense of that experience affected a heart whether nature made or man made. 

I practiced letting my lungs hang within me.  I let them take up immense space within my small torso with high hips and leg bones, emotion and reprieve.  Throat long and loose, sending breath to the lung, as it hung and I marched or walked or hiked into the 30minute zone.  Looking at the clock? yes, making good time.  Take deep breaths, deep breaths into those lungs of mine. 


It sounds poetic until you try walking 2 miles in that mindset.  Taking  your best person forward.  Free from the ego that moves bodies through space on the sidewalk, into and out of my life.  Posing as representations of what my body should be able to achieve, while I work with the material I have at my fingertips at my toe prints.  I'm working.  I'm moving and working and sharing and reaching and being and loving and losing and learning and most of all feeling.  I was feeling something different.  Different, I'm different and I'm fine.

The Love of my Aunt Carolyn flows through you like fireworks!

I saw my Auntie Carolyn, it has been four years since I have hugged her and that becomes important only when you've known one her hugs and it comes through you like the rain.  Clear and straight and to your heart.  MOtion and MOntioned on forward.   Pressing you on to your best, your destiny, children safe beneath the tree.  Warm and sure like July's storm of sunshine, sweet and destined to your eyes.  Clear and precious for the path to be laid upon you before your feet. I love my Auntie through and through till all ends upon the dunes.

A Much Needed Day of Inner Working

I wasn't the most chipper when I rose today, but I have had a wonderful day!  It was full of tasks and work related items that I desperately needed to accomplish.  I have virtually organized my work tasks, physically reorganized my personal space and feel de-cluttered on the inside as well. 

I did not feel that effects of my day spent with the sunshine yesterday, but I did feel them today! The splash of energy that started rolling through me around 12pm-until 10:30pm was much needed and honored.  It had a direct reflection and relevance to my life, my health and my path as opposed to the work that I accomplish for others.

As a family we shared joined space, sharing lunch and dinner with each other.  Later in the evening we shared private time, each focusing on ourselves in a communal space.  Our apartment is a traditional vintage set up and we use every inch with care.

I love not having to cook dinner and tonight Chris made a new chicken and zucchini recipe with rice and corn that was very satisfying.  Something new this week, I purchased desert, apple turnovers.  Currently they are warming in the oven!  So on that note I promised myself that I would be in bed by 11pm tonight.  Chow my friends!

Just Plain blah!

It's one of those days where I feel blah and unconcerned with feeling better.  I'm dragging myself out of the house into the sunshine to see if it helps.  I've applied my sunscreen, have a couple of dollars in my pocket and am optimistic about the rest of the day.  That's a start!

It is the value of my breath, not the depth

I find myself breathing, breathing deeply and enjoying the value of the breath.  I think back to the workshop with Mme Peff when she described the shape of my lungs inside my chest and the volume of the lung as well as the attachment onto the ribs.  I remember falling in and out of a sleeping pattern during this workshop.  My breath took me to the edge and her voice would pull me back when I would hear a cue regarding the volume of my lungs.  The "volume of the lungs" it continues to ring inside me!  It is this thought that continues to drive me further into the breath.  I find myself resolving toward healthy breath while driving as I contemplate the volume of the noise clutter that I encounter on the roads of Chicago, IL.  Weaving through the days events highlighted by the light of resolution as I exhale.